I'm Never Drinking Again
by McAWrites
Summary: Rachel awoke with a terrible headache. "Ugh!" she moans groggily as she rubs her eyes. "I'm never drinking again." Her head is throbbing, and someone has changed her ringtone to Friday by Rebecca Black...


A/n: Weekly One-Shot!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

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I'm Never Drinking Again

Rachel awoke with a terrible headache. "Ugh!" she moans groggily as she rubs her eyes. "I'm never drinking again." Her head is throbbing, and someone has changed her ringtone to Friday by Rebecca Black. "Eurge!" she groans as she forces her eyes as open as she can manage and sits up slowly.

She has no idea how she even managed to get home from the party last night.

Rachel blinks at her phone in confusion. Who the hell is _Glitter-Tits_? Further investigation leads to the discovery that someone has given all of her contacts stripper names, and that Schlongzilla and Glitter-Tits are on their way to pick her up.

"What happened last night?" she wonders as she fumbles through her bedside drawer in search something to dull her headache. Of course there isn't anything, why would there be, Rachel wonders in frustration, groaning loudly as she puts her feet on the floor and begins plodding her way towards the bathroom.

Downstairs, somebody starts pounding on the door.

'Must be Glitter-Tits and Shlongzilla,' she thinks dryly, running a washcloth soaked in eye make-up remover over her face in addition to downing three aspirin before she makes her way down stairs to open the door. Her jaw hits the floor when she sees the person standing outside.

"Where have you been Berry? We've been trying to call you for over an hour now!" Santana Lopez pushes her way into the house as a car honks from the street.

"Huh?" Rachel is confused. She had taken some aspirin before coming down stairs, but that had literally been only five minutes ago and she feels like she is going to vomit. The Latina doesn't answer, having already gone up the stairs. She reappears moments later holding a pair of jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she thrust them into Rachel's arms and orders her to get dressed.

The hungover diva does as she is told.

"Wow Berry. You almost look like a normal human being in that outfit," Santana snarks when Rachel rejoins her in the front room. The shorter girl responds with a frown and a rude hand gesture, which only causes Santana to laugh at her.

"Let's go, Puck is waiting out in the car."

Rachel remembers the text messages on her phone and fights the urge to giggle. She is going to have to figure out who everybody is later.

"Where are we going?" she asks as she allows herself to be dragged out of the house and into the backseat of the car that is idling by the curb.

"You're a real riot, Berry." Santana laughs as she climbs into the passenger seat and Puck starts to drive.

"I'm so pumped that we're doing this together, you guys," the boy with the Mohawk tells the two girls, "I know it's unusual, but doing it together will make everything a whole lot easier."

"Guys," Rachel interrupts, she doesn't remember anything that happened at the party last night, she can thank the vodka for that, but she isn't sure that she is comfortable with the direction this conversation is heading. "Where are we going?"

"Cut the crap, Berry," Santana laughs, "That act was funny the first time, now it's getting old."

"But I really don't remember what happened last night," Rachel whines in self-defense, "I didn't, like, agree to have a threesome with you guys, did I?"

Puck snorts.

"No," he laughs as he glances back at Rachel in the rearview mirror, "But now I wish I'd thought of that."

He howls when Santana punches him in the shoulder. Rachel sits quietly as they bicker back and forth, and watches out the window as they cross into the next town.

"Just tell me we're not going to do something illegal." Rachel sighs with resignation. She knows the answer moments later after observing a shared look between Puck and Santana.

"I can't do that Berry," The Latina says finally as she opens the glove box, withdraws a handful of black ski masks and passes them around. Rachel looks at hers questioningly.

"You agreed last night that this was a good plan, Rache," Puck adds as he pulls the car into a bank parking lot and turns around to look at her. "Hell, it was your idea!"

'I was drunk!' Rachel wants to scream as Santana proceeds to pull three nine millimeter handguns from the glovebox and pass them around as well. Instead she places her ski mask on her head, keeping it rolled just past her ears, and asks her co-conspirators to go over the plan one last time.

END

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A/n: Hope you enjoyed.

Reviews?


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